when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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