At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
