the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
