Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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