i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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