as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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