He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
