Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
