based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
