I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
