I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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