I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
