im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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