somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
