we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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