Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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