I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
