He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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