I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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