the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
