he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
