I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Soap is not a condiment
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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