She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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