I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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