Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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