DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
