I'm jealous of your bromance
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
