is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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