so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
