Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
