That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
