My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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