she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
