The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone says I win the strip club
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
