How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
