I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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