Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
