I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
