yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
