Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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