what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
