Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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