Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
