Can Purell be used as lube?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
