Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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