i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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