I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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