we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
