someone threw a dead crab at me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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