My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
