im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
