He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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