dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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