Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
