it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
