I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
