I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
