Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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