he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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