How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize