Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
