when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
