i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
