so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
