Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
