If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
