He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
