so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
