My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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