Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Are we still banned from the library?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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