Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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