Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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