Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
