Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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