If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
